All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
