For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
