She said her name was "party"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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