Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
