so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
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he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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