My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize