hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
