I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
