K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
