I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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