Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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