This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
