And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
