well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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