I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
