Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize