I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
