i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
