I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
this beer tastes like vomit already
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize