Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
