it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
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He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
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Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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