You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
