my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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