It's like God shit irony all over that family
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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