My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
