oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We don't watch enough power rangers
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
