my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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