would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
