If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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