Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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