I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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