Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
