Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i think my cat just said my name.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
