I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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