Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
