I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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