You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
