I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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