In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
