so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
