A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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