He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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