Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
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my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
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As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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