last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
