Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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