he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
