As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i think i have herpe
just one?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
