mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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