My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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