I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
