Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
