Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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