i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
