Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
