I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
