she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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