i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
