My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
