I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
