Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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