Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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