i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
