Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
