u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
