that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
