i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
