She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
