I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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