I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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