we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
