It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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