He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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