put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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