PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize